The mud wrestling time:
like the time when Nate got out of prison and the guys were getting him drunk and then the next thing you know grown men are mud wrestling with each other in the backyard, doing body slams etc. in their chonies!! What a site and of course my camera was broken....
railroad tracks:
Once my step mom and little sister were driving over railroad tracks and they got a flat tire, for a really long time she freaked out driving over railroad tracks thinking they caused flat tires...
And another time Cory was driving home from the bar with his girlfriend and my boyfriend and he missed the turn and when he did turn he drove right on to the railroad tracks and high centered himself and couldn't get off. My boyfriend at the time ran all the way to my house, got my Suburban and a tow strap and drove back to the railroad tracks, with a slew of on-lookers now, to pull Cory's car off the railroad tracks!! I think #1 they are lucky a train didn't come by, it is a very busy track, and #2 I think.... that is more than a little (unsafe) illegal and #3 he so would have gotten busted for drunk driving!!! Can we say... DU*B A**??? Hee!Hee!
the snowman theives:
One time I awoke to the sound of screeching tires and the roar of a truck and then I heard it again and again. I jumped out of bed in a freaked out panic, threw clothes on ran out front to a front yard full of teenagers and the site of my Suburban doing a sharp u-turn and hauling a** down the street to do another sharp u-turn- then... I spotted it -the plastic Santa in the middle of the street that was being used for target practice BY MY F'N CAR!!!!! So I run into the middle of the street and stand in front of the snowman (which by the way I find out later that was stolen by teenage heathens to use for target practice), luckily my son sees me and slows down and quietly pulls into the driveway and shuts it off. Now I FREAK!!!! I am SO PISSED- first how dare he, second they are all underage and have been drinking, third it is a Sunday night at like...... what 12- 1- 2:am like I am the ONLY ONE they woke up?????? Crazy teenagers! So I among other things I tell my son that if the cops show up at my door I will send him to jail myself!!!
They apologize and bring me back to bed, the party is breaking up and it is o.k. don't worry blah blah blah.... then I hear all the commotion in the hallway and some loud knocking at the door and I am "locked" in my room. The boys are saying it's alright go back to bed... come to find out in the a.m. it WAS the cops and all 15- 20 of them were hiding in my hallway holding on to my door knob thinking I was going to send them all to jail if I was let out!!!
I was still a little upset the next a.m. so I woke up his sister and we took his keys and stole his car- the Thunderchicken. I parked it in a very large, very busy Walmart parking lot- out of the way a bit. Took out his stereo and put his keys back into his room and went to work. He calls me sometime later in the day freaked out that someone stole his car. I told him to call the police and who the hell would want to steal that piece of sh*t??? He says that's what I'm sayin. I'm not sure how long it was gone 3 or 4 days before my now son- in- love ratted me out by driving to Walmart and wow looky there isn't that your car?? kinda thing. I had to confess because my son thought he did it. I forget about that story until some drunkin night when one of the kids that were there that night is over and we are all reminiscing.......
the bus driver incident:
my kids were complaining one year about the bus driver,... I just ignored it time and again until I got so tired of hearing about it that I decided to have a looksy.
Their complaint you ask??? The bus driver would pick a new spot every morning to pick them up. A group of them would be waiting and she would purposely pass the group two or three houses down and make them walk to her, they would wait at that spot the next morning and she would stop at the place they were standing the day before. Well to me kids are kids, complain, complain etc. After about a month I got a little tired of hearing about it. I waited in my car for them to get picked up and sure enough. There was a group of kids, maybe 6 or 8 waiting, and now I could see why they were complaining. They all had heavy things to carry. One had a guitar case with an amp, one had a large box- maybe for a school project another had a base or something of the sort. I was so pissed just watching her literally drive past them to three houses down. I pulled up next to her window and just went off. How dare she be so rude, how dare she set such a bad example.... I pulled my kids off the bus and went to talk to her supervisor.
So then the next year comes and I am at the grade school this year desperately trying to get my kids on the new bus route (new year, different school, different kids) and low and behold who do I have to speak with to get this done but the ugly school bus driver from the year before. She ignores me (I don't realize at first who she is- we had a very brief encounter at a bus stop ONE time. BUT she knew my kids very well after the incident) and she looks at my younger kids and asks them if so n so are their older siblings, we all get excited why yes they are my kids answer and I am thinking RIGHT ON (because people usually like my kids- I have good kids) they are a shoe in to get a spot on the bus....... then she looks at me with a smile...... yea I know them I was their bus driver last year. I am thinking DAMN! there goes the bus ride home! But, she wasn't like that and they got a spot and that is that.
-it seems to me that I have never gotten along with a bus driver before ever.... until now..... see Random thoughts and things.......
I was just reminded of labor with Aaron.... it was the first time that I had an epidural (he was my 5th pregnancy)... It was weird and before it all went bad because the anesthesiologist
had put a small -minute- amount morphine in my drip... my friend was sitting by my side and i was patting her leg, she got up and walked away and I was totally weirded out by the fact that I was still patting her leg..... then I looked and the whole time I was patting and rubbing my own leg .... Ya. that was weird!
the tattoo gun:
there was this one time that someone wanted to buy a tattoo gun. A friend of a friend brought it over to us to hold and to collect the money the friend who wanted to buy it. Cool. It arrived and the friend of the friend showed us what was all for sale and this about the equipement and that about the equipment and... ya.... So he leaves and we (us drunk people)- me, my boyfriend, his brother, my best friend, and about 7 kids- decide we need to tattoo something, anything because we are in the possestion of a real live tattoo gun!!! WooHoo!!! The brother goes first and tattoos "party dots" on his hand- which the next day he was frantic to remove and tried every old wives tale to no avail!!! And us girls (just the two of us- the drunk mother and the gung ho daughter) decide we want toe rings. The only problem is that they never ended up looking like toe rings!! I used to get asked: "what's on your toe" "did you hurt your toe" "what fell on your toe" "is your toe bruised" "whats wrong with your toe", that's about how much it looked like a toe ring. I had that toe ring for two or three years. My best friend would say "you need to get that thing fixed" and so... begins the tattoo addiction....
Tommy and the customer:
There was this one top that I liked to wear. 1. it was comfortable 2. it was cool and our office was usully 90 something degrees- literally. That was all the old airconditioner could muster up! It was a pretty top but not real flattering- if I wasn't careful it would look like a materninty top. I knew this, but I didn't really care.
Tommy had seen me throw pms fits before (how could he not sitting right next to me hearing me grumble and be pissy and down right bitchy adn completely lose my temper here and there). He was very mellow about the whole thing and knew that in a day or so I would be normal again.
He heard me get extremely upset over the phone at my kids. He was there to wittness my mood swings, my ups and downs.
There was this one customer who used to come in ALL THE TIME, daily. He was the biggest flirt! Huge flirt! I assumed he was single the way he talked. I wasn't interested, but non the less that was the impression I got. After a VERY LONG period of time the customer came in again. He really had put on a lot of weight. Not FAT, just gained a lot of weight.
1. I didn't think guys got offended about there weight (like I said it wasn't like the guy was HUGELY FAT-
2. I assumed he got married.
So, my BIG mouth was like daaaamn! How have you been- what happened you go and get married? Well his response was a little confusion and he said- "what? I've been married- why you say that?" - Well, dude you put on a lot of weight- I just thought you got married, you know how that goes.
Well, I assume, this really pissed the guy off. He goes out and comes back in and asks me "well damn girl- when are you due?" Tommy froze. I could see this out of the corner of my eye. He stopped talking, he stopped typing, he stared straight ahead at his computer and DID NOT MOVE. He was holding his breath.
Well, I knew I had pissed the guy off and I felt bad. I didn't mean to insult him. I just calmly said "naw, it's the shirt- it tends to do that" he says "no way, really? You are lying, com'on you can tell me when are you due, com'on" I said "no really." Then he turns to Tommy and asks Tommy "is she trying to keep it a secret??" Tommy still not moving, still staring at the screen says "no dude, nothin's changed that I'm aware of" and the guy walked out. He still sat frozen. I broke the ice. "WoW! I guess I really pissed him off!" And I didn't throw anything. I didn't scream, yell or otherwise damage anything and I didn't take it out on Tommy.
He loosened up and was like - damn I thought you were gonna jump over the counter and scratch his eyes out and I was mentally trying to see where I could get outta the way and hide so you wouldn't come after me next- or something to that effect (because he was a man).
I laughed so hard. The whole time, TOTALLY SURPRISING the guy really didn't piss me off. I just felt bad because I knew that I had said the wrong thing and I didn't mean too. And I knew how BAD it had pissed him off because of how he reacted. I mean I wasn't the one who had gained weight and I knew this so it didn't bother me.
Mushrooms:
It was the night before my birthday and I was at work. I got a call from my oldest daughter, she had already moved out at the time so maybe she was... 23 and my son was 21?? She's a little panicked on the phone, at this point I don't think she is at my house.
She tells me that my son is home alone and he is totally freaked out on mushrooms and I need to get there NOW! She was on her way, but for some reason is going to take longer than me. I can't remember. Maybe I had her go pick up my little ones so that I could get there faster? Im not sure I will have to ask and clear this story up a bit.
So, I pull in the driveway and as I get out I see my son coming from down the street. He comes up to me and touches my face and says "hey you are my mom" I say yes I am your mom "you can hear me?" yes I can hear you. " I can hear you too, you are my mom and I love you" Yes and I love you to, lets get in the house.
He lays down on the grass and looks up at the sky, he rolls over and eats some of the grass "hey this is pretty good stuff! Wanna try it?" No honey lets get in the house "hey you are my mom" yes I am your mom lets go inside "I can hear you! Holy shit! I can hear what you are saying" he touches my face. " can you hear me too? you are my mom! and I love you and you love me" yes I am your mom- as we are inching our way to the front door. "I can feel your face, I can hear you, you are my mom"
The neighbors were out, the ones he tried to go over to talk to. Im trying to get him in the house before they think he is like rabid or something and want to shoot him, or call the cops.
I get him in the house and then I think my daughter arrives with the kids. "hey you are my sister" ya I am- as she looks at me. Ya well hes been doing that to me since I got home "and you are my mother" he touches my face "I can feel you. You are my mother. I can hear you. You are my mother and I love you and you love me" and "you are my sister, I love you, and you love me" he touches her face "I can feel you" my little ones are looking at him and looking at me and are asking WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM. It's o.k. he ate some mushrooms (I didn't elaborate on what kind of mushrooms, I just left it at that).
Who the hell was he with I ask my daughter. He was with Eddie. I get Eddie on the phone... How long is this shit going to last?? He was already down, he had puked and drank beer. I told my daughter to go get beer NOW. She did and I had a hell of a time getting him to drink it, he was too excited that he could feel and hear and knew who everyone was for the 1,000th time!! Over and over and over "hey you are my mom, you are my sister, I can hear you, I can feel you" He tried to pull that shit on the little ones and they had nothing to do with him!!!
So, I am getting freaked out and pissed. He kept wanting to go outside and see if he could now hear the neighbors, which I am sure that he totally freaked out!! Im thinking he goes over there again, they are going to shoot him! He also wanted to taste the grass again and wanted us to taste it with him because it was so good.
At this point I put the little ones to bed.
So, here it is close to 11pm and he is still going at it and I am thinking that I am going to be up ALL NIGHT LONG and I am going to miss the fun tomorrow at my work that I know is happening for my birthday.
Finally he falls asleep on the couch and so do I AND I make it to work, with the story and have a good day- yea!! And for my birthday he had suck up flowers and the best card ever, he was forgiven.
The funny part is that a few weeks later we were all sitting at the dinner table getting ready to eat dinner and what ever it was that I made I also made mushrooms. My son goes to help himself and my youngest daughter looks in total horror at me... "MOM!!! HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO EAT MUSHROOMS!"
That was one of the funniest things ever!!
There was this one time that the electricity went out and I wondered if the toilet would still flush. Seriously! I was young- kinda, my husband said yes it would.
One time I was talking to (very new at the time) boyfriend and I was trying to find my cell phone. He said, ummm your on it. I think I might have scared him a little bit.
I alway tell my kids (whom I talk to on the phone ALL THE TIME) that I love them before I hang up. I have acutally said it to a couple of co-workers on accident before (oops!)
There was a cop on my roof! I swear!!ok so here it goes and then you decide... but first I must mention a thing or maybe two at first. Like, one; o.k. I KNOW what it sounds like when someone is on my roof. I has a very distinct sound, like a crunching of leaves, or snow sort of sound, along with the creaks. I know this sound very well because my middle son is very fond of climbing up on the roof and sitting up there especially when he is pissed off over something. It is his way of... gettin away. Even when he is being sneaky we can hear him and at least I can leave him alone and know that he isn't wandering our not so nice neighborhood.
So, anyway.... one night in the wee hours of the night, or even early morning, I was home alone. I hear someone on my roof. I sit up and yes, holy shit there is someone on my roof!! I call the cops. I tell her someone is on my roof, at this time I have no dogs, no nothing to alert me. She sends a police officer on the way.
I minute or so later I hear a knock at the door. I tell her there is someone at my door, she tells me it isn't the officer because he hasn't arrived on the scene yet, so... Im thinking.... the person who was on my roof is now knocking on my door and Im really kind of freaking out about now.
Another knock, bigger and louder and he says its a police officer. I tell her this, she says no he hasn't arrived yet and not to answer the door, so I see the lights and he pulls up and she says yes thats him and I open the door and there is this very large cop standing in my door frame as the other officer is getting out of the car. The car officer asks this cop what are you doing here? The cop says he was in the neighborhood and got the call. The police officer asks him where his car is and he tells him its down the street. I asked if he seen anyone when he was coming up. He says there was no one on your roof, I was in the area and I didn't see anyone on your roof. Well, how would he know? It's not like he would be down the street and just happen to notice no one on my roof, you know??
Well, then The OFFICER tells him that he will handle this and when the officer is talking to me and taking my statement I just get this creepiest of feeling and this cop wont stop staring at me. He gets all gruff and tells me that its a windy night and it was this tree that I have in my front yard and how Im wasting their time kind of attitude.
I go to bed and Im thinking... I can't believe that cop would be on my roof, but why wouldn't the dispatcher know he was there, right?? aren't they supposed to call it in and say hey I got this one?
And then the next morning I get up and I go look at that tree. My bedroom is in the back, my sons room is next to the tree, in the front. The tree isn't even big enough to TOUCH his part of the roof!! It's been 4 years and the tree still doesn't touch the roof!!!
Now you tell me?..... I think that friggin cop was on my roof!! Weird!! Was he spying on a neighbor? What ever it was his department didn't even know he was doing it!!
Going the wrong way....
So I work at this place that is located on a frontage road to a major freeway. It is also near downtown so there are a couple of streets that are one way streets. I had worked there for a couple of years and one day I had gone to get lunch for us that were in the dispatch area.
On my way back I turned on one of those one way streets to head back, you had to do a u-turn to get where we worked if you were going down the opposite side of the freeway, and I had done this many times before. I turn this one day and there is a car heading straight for me going the wrong way.... omigosh!! I had to scoot over a lane and I made this motion with my hand kind of in a circle and telling him as we pass.... you ass, you are going the wrong way!!! He's flipping me off and yelling something at me as we pass each other, but Im too busy yelling at him, you know... then I look up and holy crap ANOTHER ONE and then I realize Oh shit! Its me!! Im the one going the wrong way!! I turned one street too early!! OOps!!
Tigger the bunny eater.....
We had a cat once, mostly an outdoor cat because Im allergic, but the kids used to have him sleep in at night. He was normal size, kind of skinny cat. One day we were sitting on the front porch and Tigger comes barreling thru the house from out back and ends up on the porch with us, with a mouse in his mouth.... gross kitty, but at least he ate it out front, you know.. a couple of days go by and the same thing... only this time we think 'this is a pretty big mouse' and we look and its a baby bunny that doesn't even have the fur on it yet, now its the poor thing and 'bad kitty'.
A couple of days and now we know for sure its a bunny. Its another one he's eating and this one is about the size of your hand, then again and again we kept finding fur in the front yard here and there until one time he brought one and it was still alive, but he broke its neck so it died in my sons wifes hands and he had to bury it in the front yard.
We started calling him 'Tigger the bunny eater' and 'a bunny a day Tigger'. That cat got so fat that spring! We think the next year when he went to do it again, the mamma bunny or the owner of the bunnies got him, cuz one day..... he just never came back.
We are so gonna get fired!!
A friend of mine volunteered at our church in the four year old class room. We had been mentored together in a three year old classroom for a semester and then the following semester we got our own room!! We were so excited and did all these fun things and made all these plans! Then one day my friend calls me over and tells me to look.... I look down at her hand and what do we see? Blond hair, in a clump, perfectly cut. We panic and start grabbing heads and looking and we found the little culprit. A cute little blond girl with somewhat short hair and we thing 'oh no!' We've got to call our supervisor and tell her. So we get her on the radio and ask her to come to our room.
Well while she is enroute to our room we discover more hair.... it is blond, but a little darker and A LOT longer. Oooooh CRAP! We find the other little girl who now has one pony tail A LOT shorter than the other.
We look at each other and in unison...... "we are so gonna get fired over this"
Come to find out the little blondie, well she cuts her hair all the time and our supervisor knows this and we just need to let her mom know. Now on the other hand..... the other little girl with the much longer hair.... well her grandma brings her to church..... her grandma wants to cut her hair and dad says absolutley NOT....... we don't think that little girl ever made it back to church again!
Up coming:
jeff and the tack; the foster girls; the Blair witch night; "look I'm not wearing any underwear"; the pool and the roof; dead animals; the mini graves; the leaky roof, the firemen and the smell, the firemen and the alarm, Adi's fit, Adi and Aaron wrestling,
The naked incident with Josh......... The naked incident with Chris...... The naked incident with the date in the back yard.......
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